Most people would see the title of this post “I’d Make a Horrible Drug Addict” and think, ‘duh’ but please let me explain. The other day a harmless conversation with my bestie about a raging headache turned to this…
And this, my friends is why I cannot be a drug addict! From there we went on to discuss how there is no way in hell I could even consider getting to a point where I’d shoot up. I laughed about fumbling a needle, dropping it, stabbing myself in the foot. Or being the most awkward and ill educated buyer in the wrong part of town and being scammed into paying way more than the drugs are worth because I have no idea what to ask for.
You see I’ve never done drugs, not once, not ever. One of two things would happen if I did:
1. I’d have a fan-freaking-tastic time and end up hooked, lose everything I own, my business, my car, my family and friends…and wind up living on the streets. My mistress my high and my bedmate the bum I snuggle bang for warmth. Yeah…I said that.
2. I would have awful trips, end up with drug induced PTSD, get mugged while trying to score or wind up in some twisted plot where I buy from rival gangs, get caught in a drive by…nothing good would come of it. In other words if something could go wrong with the high, the deal, or the over all experience…it would!
Neither one of those seem like great situations for me. So, I’m here to announce, officially, that I’m gonna pass on the smack, crank, crack, nose candy, snow, aeon flux, Al Capone, air blasts, amoeba, apache, apple jacks, b-bombs, bad seeds, Bart Simpson, bird head, mayo, r-ball, rainbows, waffle dust, ham, Hawaiian sunshine, or fish scales. Well those and all the others, too, because to hell with all that noise.
Rest easy, my friendly followers, I shan’t be leaving you for a life of pawning my loved one’s belongings to fly high. You’re stuck with me. Aren’t you relieved? I know I am.