Ask Jewels: Spanking

spanking, ask jewels, according to jewels

I am so excited about the Ask Jewels section…I have such great questions coming in! After a long string of spam nonsense (not cool spammers!) the real questions started flowing. This was the very first question asked, though clearly not the first answered. It’s from Jo-Anne of Jo-Anne’s Ramblings. Be sure to check her out and thank you so much for starting off the great questions.

“Ok I would love to know what you think about smacking a child. Do you think smacking is abuse or do you think that a firm smack on the bum is ok?”

I’m torn on this one. Not because I’m worried about being PC but because I really have no experience when it comes to this kind of thing. As a child I was never hit, not even once. This isn’t to say that I never deserved it, I’m sure I did, but it’s just not how things were done in our house. Now, as somebody who works with kids I totally get that you have an urge to sometimes. Then again I have no children of my own, nobody it would be appropriate to spank, so I can’t speak from personal experience.

Have been there times where my hand itched after being talked back to? Yup. Were there moments when sassing went too far and I thought, “If you were my kid…ooh I’d be spanking you?” Yup. Was I was terrified after Monkey walked off in a store and didn’t answer my call? Was I torn between the urge to both hug and spank her? You betcha. I never did though. She’s not my kid and it wasn’t my place.

However, I do not believe a corrective spank is abuse. Of course, I’m talking about a swat on the bottom, not on the face or repeated hits. I also don’t think that it’s appropriate as a first measure before verbal warnings. I do want to point out that I don’t think it’s an effective form of punishment, but I get it, sometimes you just don’t know what else to do. I have friends that swat a bottom and I’ve totally agreed with them doing it.

I do get uncomfortable though when people spank in public. Yes, I understand that discipline isn’t effective if you wait until you get home; no kid remembers an hour later why they are getting spanked. Still, I can’t stand watching an adult spank a kid in stores or at parks.

My main issue with this is that the parents are always screaming, grabbing at the kid, and hauling off on them. You rarely get to see if there is a verbal warning, discussion of consequences, etc. You get one quick glimpse of the situation and it often looks violent and horrible. I immediately get uncomfortable and want to walk over to make sure the child isn’t being legitimately abused.

If you curse at a parent, back talk after multiple warnings, or do something after being asked not to repeatedly (especially dangerous behavior like climbing, going near fire, etc), I think a spank is warranted. Do I think it’s ridiculous that children are threatening parents that they are going to call 911 on them for spanking them? Hell yes! Do I think too much power has been given to children in regards to determining how parents parent? Hell to the yes. Do I think that children should be smacked around for no reason? Absolutely not.

So you see, the problem here lies in knowing the parent, the situation, and being sure that a spank is just that…a spank…and not a beating. In some situations it is a fine line between the two, while at others, it’s a clear case of a spank that is nowhere near physical abuse. My answer is yes and no all at once. Yes, I see how at times it is effective and warranted while at other times I’m horrified and moved to say something.

There is no clear yes and no answer. It’s all a matter of circumstance, parental preference, interpretation, and social acceptance. Are adults that were hit as children ill adapted, social outcasts, who have to seek counseling? If so I seriously doubt it was solely because they were spanked. Do I think that spanking is a particular effective child management method? No. Do I think that anyone but a parent should spank a kid (i.e. teachers, coaches, etc.)? Not at all. Have I made my stance clear? Yeah, I didn’t think so. The fact of the matter is it’s just not that cut and dry. I’m afraid that this is a debate that will rage on (pardon the pun) for all eternity.

What are your thoughts? Share in the comment section.

*Dont’ forget to keep the Ask Jewels questions coming in…I want to hear from you and answer your questions. Want to know my thoughts on something? Have a topic you’d love me to tackle? Want some advice? Drop me a line.*

I’d also like to point out that I have been asked to the Dude dance at The Dude Society. I love those guys. Anyway, voting started Sunday night and continues until Tuesday night. You can vote for your 3 favorite ladies. Preferably myself and 2 others…but I won’t judge if you don’t love what I shared. :D Head on over and check the guys out.

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17 thoughts on “Ask Jewels: Spanking

  1. You don’t need a whupping to pass on discipline. My dad never had to do more in all my memory than unbuckle his belt. Just the knowledge of consequences was enough. The other side, that is sometimes forgotten in the PC world, is that that connection between actions and consequences has to be established, and has to be established in such a way that the child understands. If you go there, fine… but if it is for venting your anger, it’s time to walk away, put ‘em in a time out, and calm the hell down.

  2. I pretty much stand where you do. Spanking isn’t the sort of thing that should be done in public for various reasons, nor by anyone aside from a parent (I don’t want the creepy school coach getting off on spanking my child thank you very much). I do not believe it automatically counts as abuse, and I fear for a future where parents aren’t allowed to discipline their own kids in the manner they deem appropriate.

    That being said, many parents seem willing to push more responsibility on the government and teachers (responsibilities which are arguably parental), and some parents are just plain idiots. I mean how do you defend a parent’s rights if they buy little Jimmy ‘Grand Theft Auto V – Hookers Die Harder’ and then complain about it? It’s their job to monitor content their child absorbs.

  3. Nice post, good question. I’ve been torn with this one for about 8 years now ;) I’ve found it does no good for me to spank Pokey. None at all. So I’ve stopped. She’s still a butt and needs a good whoopin sometimes, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. The public spankin, I”m with you. If it’s a case where it’s just Bam and it’s over.. I’m like hmm. But if I see the kid acting like an ass, I’m routing for mom/dad to wack him one. That’s so mean isn’t it!

  4. Good answer, we find with Little Leo that some days he will respond well to a firm talking to and being sent to his room or told he has to sit and watch boring stuff with nanna but there have been times when he is just very cheeky and rude and has pushed me to the limit then he may find my hand on his bum with a nice firm smack not lots of smacks just one smack on his bum and he knows that he has pushed me to far when that happens…….I also do not like to smack in puplic not saying I have never done it because I have but I do try not to do that, it usually only makes matters worse……

    1. Usually my look and a raised voice with a sharp “Enough” gets my point across. If not I walk away and let them know they can come to me only when the attitude changes. So far so good but man sometimes it’s tough…they sure know how to push buttons.

  5. I’m with you. I was spanked a few times as a kid, but it was never abusive. I totally deserved it. But there is that line where you cross into too much. I, too, am uncomfortable when parents do that in public, but from what I could see, the kid definitely deserved something for being an ass. But I don’t see it happen often, I think most parents are too afraid of being called abusive by the public.

    1. I think that hitting in anger, hitting when you are enraged is not effective and usually when driven to spank in public that is what I am witnessing. I think that is what makes it so uncomfortable.

  6. I very rarely spanked my boys. I really didnt need to.
    I do remember one day out walking with the youngest. He was perhaps around 3 and was refusing to hold my hand. (despite being asked to several times)
    Next moment I was grabbing him just before he stepped off the kerb into the path of a bus.
    He copped a quick whack on the bum and when he protested I think my words were, “you think that hurt, if that bus had hit you, you would be in a whole lot more pain or dead”
    For a long time after that he held my hand when ever we went walking. I didnt hit him hard enough to hurt him, but it was a big enough shock to send an important message.
    I think it upset me just as much. As they got older, there were much more effective methods to get the message across

    1. There are much more effective methods and removal of privileges is one of them…IF parents can stick to their guns and follow through with consequences. Too often I see parents make threats that they can’t or won’t follow through on. That’s never going to be effective if that’s how it is handled.

      1. Exactly. Grounding them for a lifetime is never going to work. But take away the gameboy for a determined amount of time can work wonders. And no giving in. If you make a threat, be prepared to carry it out. Discipline is all about consistancy and communication. Making the rules clear and following through on the consequences

  7. I, too, am torn. While I haven’t raised any of my own hellspawn, my mother was sick when my brother was born so I did half the raising. Same thing with my cousin two years later. And then with my neice later.

    I don’t believe in spanking for, like, forgetting to put your toys away and giving the kid ten whacks on the bottom (I knew someone who did this), however, after several warning and if it fits I don’t have a problem. Like with my cousin, she would not stop touching a breakable object. I told her several times to leave it alone and finally when she reached to touch it again, I smacked her hand. On ther other hand (pun intended) if she had broke the statue I would not have punished her with a spanking, so I guess (and there’s no way of putting this where I don’t sound awful) I’m okay with it as a “teaching” punishment rather than a discipline one, if that makes sense.

    And yes I saw the title and my mind immediately thought that this was going to be about sex. <–filthy mind.

    1. haha I honestly didn’t even think about sex when I was writing this. I didn’t even consider it might be taken that way. I must be slipping.

      I actually do understand what you are saying. Even though it sounds strange it makes total sense. It’s a rough topic to answer with any clarity and clear cut lines. It was an interesting question for sure.

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