Before I get to the amazing advice I have for you, please be sure to head over to Q’s blog Thank, Q to read my guest post! He asked for a little help relieving him of some blogging days and I took up the call. Be sure to check out Q on twitter so you can get reminders about his Blog Talk Radio show…which provides tons of inspiration for me and is just all around awesome. For those of you who are long time followers you may recognize it from the old blog but it’s still a great post. Head on over for a laugh. Okay…now back to the serious stuff!
I have had a lot of people talk to me lately about knowing when to cut your losses and walk away. Be it from somebody they are hitting on, a relationship (romantic or friendly), a crazy person (see last post) or from trying to talk to somebody who seems unresponsive. It seems that this isn’t just something I’ve been dealing with though. Miller has been calling me a lot with questions about the behavior of the women in his life. Yes, multiple women. It shouldn’t shock you…it is Miller after all.
Anyway, he is dating two women, one of whom has a child and lives with her baby daddy though she says they aren’t together. The other is single, younger, and lives with a male “roommate” and refuses to take Miller back to her house. Do they sound shady to you? Yeah, me too. Luckily Miller saw it too and was concerned enough to consult me.
Girl #1, aka Momma, has to schedule her times seeing him around when Baby Daddy won’t be home or when he will be there to watch the kid. I understand that being a single parent is difficult and you will have less time for a man in your life and so does he, but that isn’t the issue. She never tells Baby Daddy that she is going out with a guy though and lies to be with Miller. This is not only incredibly shady but also severely limits the amount of time she can spend with Miller. He already has a crazy schedule that limits the amount of free time he has but he does make it a priority to free up time for any woman in his life.
Girl #2, aka Youngen, is available at the drop of a hat at like 4am to meet him at a bar or club (remember he works most nights in the bars) but is never free during the day. She refuses to take Miller to her house even if it means waking insanely early, and often after very little sleep, to go let her dog out. To me it sounds like her male roommate is her boyfriend or at the very least somebody she’s sleeping with who wouldn’t appreciate another dude banging her in their house. Again, super shady behavior.
He made plans with Momma only to have them canceled (on several occasions) because Baby Daddy didn’t go out when he said he was going to so Miller couldn’t go over to hang with her and her kid. He ran into Youngen out one night and she blew him off, barely saying hello, and then returning to a conversation with her friends. He didn’t want to throw in the towel too early but saw enough red flags in their behavior to bring it up to me. I commend him for not walking at the first sign of inconvenience but I don’t think anyone should have to tolerate being kept a secret.
So, I’ve told Miller to cut his losses and walk away from both. He listened of course because he knows what is good for him. The sad thing is all he asked is that they be honest with him and neither fessed up to their shady dealings. What is wrong with people!? In anyone’s love life all they usually ask for is honesty. I know it is one of the few things that I demand. I demand it from the Fireman, who I am well aware is engaged. I have asked it of Hockey Guy and I have asked it of men in the past. How hard is it to just say, look this is where I am, here is my situation, here is what I can offer, will that work for you?
If you aren’t exactly single be up front. If you don’t have a lot of time to offer somebody and are just looking for somebody to warm your bed now and then…well be honest about it. We’re all adults here, aren’t we? How hard is it to tell it like it is. I want a relationship. I want you to make me scream your name now and then. I want to date you and only you. I want to play the field but enjoy your company. I have other obligations that keep me from being free a lot but when I am you are the only person I am interested in seeing.
See, that wasn’t so hard was it? Dating doesn’t have to be a “game” if you don’t make it one. Cut the crap, own up to how you think/feel, communicate it, and lay the cards on the table. When did communication become a 4 letter word? It’s not a bad thing, people. The mind games, the manipulation, and the lack of truth telling I see going on straight up boggles my mind. People may not always like what you have to say if you are honest but they can at least respect you for not bullshitting them. Another opportunity to raise the bar on behaviors in the dating world presents itself to us here…take it, please.