Soul Mates: Fact or Fiction

SoulMates 1005x1024 Soul Mates: Fact or Fiction

I took to Twitter for some post inspiration because *cough nobody is submitting questions in the Ask Jewels box to the right of this article…just saying…cough* and was inspired by @kianwii who writes at simple she goes who asked me to discuss my views on soul mates. Well, challenge accepted. I love this idea and I hope it sparks a bit of a comment debate because the people I have discussed this topic with seem to always fall in polar opposites. People tend to feel pretty strongly about this topic.

The idea of soul mates is one that has been perpetuated by movies, fairy tales, and every love story ever told. It’s what we all live for as little girls growing up. For a lot of girls it is what we strive for; that perfect guy who completes your world and makes your life worth living. Does that make you gag? Yeah, me too.

I’m not a frigid frozen bitch and sure I believe in love. I just don’t happen to believe in soul mates. There are pieces of people that we connect with, that speak to one another. This can be found in romantic as well as platonic relationships. When push comes to shove I just don’t think there is one person for you out there in the world. I think there are a lot of people you connect with. There are a lot of men/women that you can end up with and it all comes down to who you meet and when.

Think about it for a minute. This world is huge and the number of people on it is mind blowing. You mean to tell me that if you are born, raised, live, and die in the same state that the guy you met in high school is your soul mate when you’ve never gone anywhere else or met enough people? Sure, you were happy and loved but to tell me that was the only person in the world for you is very narrow minded. Even Kianwii agreed with me. I asked her to chime in and she said, “In my opinion, in the traditional sense, the idea of one perfect person out there for each of us, isn’t real. Would my romantic heart like it to be true?  Yes.  But do I believe it?  No.” She agreed with my way of thinking that you can find soul mates in different forms, including friendship.

We’ve all had that connection with somebody upon meeting them. That feeling where it’s like you’ve always known them and a time before or without them sees impossible. Don’t shake your head…you have. Yes, guys, even you…we know you have. When it happens it is magical. Who doesn’t appreciate being understood and accepted for exactly who they are? Nobody I know. That to me is a beautiful thing. In that sense, I think that people are meant to be in each other’s lives, yes.

If you ask me is a romantic, Cinderella and Prince Charming way, if a soul mate exists for us. My answer is no. Rake me over the coals, romantics, but it’s my honest truth. I know there are people out there who believe, to the very depths of their soul, that they have met their soul mate. There are women out there who go to bed at night praying and dreaming that they meet theirs. I know a lot of women who still believe in the fairytale dream. I won’t go so far as to slap them and tell them to wake up, but don’t expect me to be overly attentive to your wistful dreaming.

Call me jaded if you want to, even though I know that I am not. You can tell me that I am unromantic and hopeless, though I’m aware I am neither. I believe in love. I believe in being realistic as well. In this huge, beautiful, melting pot of a world, there is certainly more than one person you are compatible with. If I’m being totally honest I would say that we aren’t even meant to be with just one person…but that’s an entirely different post.

What is your take on soul mates? Do you think they exist? Have you ever felt that immediate connection with somebody, romantic or otherwise? I can’t wait to hear what you have to say! Don’t forget, twitter has been great for interactions and ideas, but I’m still waiting for some Ask Jewels questions. Use the contact form on the right sidebar and submit your question today.

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34 thoughts on “Soul Mates: Fact or Fiction

  1. I absolutely believe there is one right person, a soul mate, for each of us out there. And I’m going to go into a dangerous area with this because I don’t know how everyone feels about hearing it, but I’m not ashamed of my Faith:

    I believe God has a hand in matching us up with our soul mate. I think the relationships we have, the people we encounter in our lives, all serve to prepare us for what is, eventually, the right one. I believe you can think a person is the one or your soul mate and you can certainly Love that person, but if he or she isn’t the one for you it just isn’t going to work out.

    Do people stay in the wrong relationships, sometimes forever? Of course, we all know that. Do we always know right away and thus avoid being in “bad” relationships with the wrong people? No way. It’s all part of the journey, imo.

    I enjoy the fact that we don’t all believe the same things about everything. The world would be pretty boring if the opposite were true!

    1. It would be boring indeed. I knew that people would have different views on this subject and I love that we can all chat about it politely.

      I see where you are coming from. I think that people come into our lives for a reason and that some aren’t meant to stay in them forever…I just don’t believe in the romantic notion of a soul mate. I hear where you are coming from, though.

  2. Interesting that I am going to disagree with Sean a little and have the same faith.

    I believe that God does match us with our Soul Mate.

    Leaving it at that wouldn’t encompass a myriad of other things. The first is that we could ever NOT meet our Soul Mate. Then all that God says about marriage and two becoming one goes out the window. We could actually marry someone who isn’t our soul mate and God would be OK with divorcing so we could find that person. I can’t buy that.
    Second is the fact that the theory of a soul mate sounds so perfect as to remove the work that is required to maintain a healthy relationship.
    Third, what happens when your “soul mate” leaves you? Or dies? Do we get a mulligan? I’m sorry, Soul Mate #2 doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

    I’m a hopeful romantic, I believe God finds us the one we should be with, but I don’t think there is a logistical possibility of only one.

    That doesn’t make Sean wrong. (cause he’s a brother from another mother) It just opens the door of possibility wider.

    WG

    1. I love that you mention that the term ‘soul mate’ implies that you don’t have to work at it. I agree. The typical romantic notion of soul mate does imply perfection. That’s just silly to me. Nothing comes without work.

      I hadn’t even considered the idea of people who believe in soul mates and what happens if they are widowed or left. The mulligan comment made me laugh out loud. Thanks for the great comment.

  3. Excellent job, I approve, ha ha ;)

    Believe me, I am absolutely a romantic and I want that soul connection kind of love. I just believe that there is more than one person that we can connect with in that way. I don’t think that negates God’s part in all of this to believe that.

    I also think relationships can even work without that soul connection, although, as I said to you, the question becomes should you hold out for it or not? Or, worse, what happens when you feel that connection, but the other person doesn’t? Why can’t this stuff be easy?!

    1. If it was easy the whole world would be a big married mess of people all blissfully happy. Just never going to happen. There are too many outlying factors. What if you stay in that crap relationship and don’t take that date with that guy…and he was the one? Do you get another chance? What if a family emergency has you changing plans and you miss out on meeting him when you were supposed to? I mean…come on. There are too many people in this huge world to have just ONE person.

      I think that there are people who speak to our souls…that we connect with. You might marry one of them or you might not. I don’t believe that makes them your “soul mate” though…I think it makes you damn lucky!

  4. I tend to agree with you on “soul mates”…but when you find that person that instantly feels like home it is quite magical. There’s nothing like that connection, and if you’re lucky, you’ll have several of these over the course of your life. Some in passing and some for always.

    I’m a total sap right now. Pay no attention to me.
    :)

    1. When you connect instantly it’s absolutely magical. I just don’t think that there is only 1 pre-destined person on the earth for you. There is no denying that love and that deep connection is beautiful though. :grin:

  5. Well I have been married to the love of my life my “soul mate” for 28yrs but trust me it is nothing like the movies the man pisses me off no end some days…….lol I do not believe in love at first sight or happly ever after because I am delusional but I do feel that Tim is my soul mate he is the only man for me and I know I was lucky to find him and he is the man I will grow old with…..

    1. There was never any doubt that there might be somebody else out there that you could connect with as deeply? That’s wonderful! You certainly lucked out. Congrats, love.

  6. Thank goodness we don’t only have one Soul Mate, imagine off those poor, lonely souls who’d never find theirs! :razz: Ah Jewels, you make perfect sense to me lovely. We DO all have those magical meetings, when we connect instantly. As one of your other commentators says, some for a lifetime and some for just a while. But a relatiosnship doesn’t last because you found your soul mate, there’s a whole heap of reasons it will last – least of all having the right attitude to sharing your life with someone in the first place. Romantic and loved up with my Hubby as I am, I don’t think we would have lasted if I’d gone into our relationship thinking “At last! My Soul Mate! Now EVERYTHING will be perfect!”

    1. I just adore you more and more. That’s one of my main issues with the fairytale view of soul mates. They don’t magically fix everything. They don’t work if you don’t work for them. It’s not the cure to all the problems in your life. More over, I believe that any number of people can be your ‘soul mate’ or a person you connect with on a deep level and it’s about who you meet, when you meet them, and how ready you are for love when you do.

      Great comment, dear.

  7. I think soul mates do exist. Perhaps you have more than one in your life. I think my BFF is, in a sense, my soul mate. I also think soul mates are what you make of it, to an extent. Like you said, this world is teeming with people and more than likely more than one of them is compatible with me . . . so, there are probably several soul mates out there for me to meet. :smile:

    1. That’s a reasonable version of soul mates that I think I could stand behind. My main aversion to using the term “soul mate” is that it makes it sound like there is only that ONE person for you in all the world. That, I just don’t believe. Thanks for your comment, as always.

  8. I remember a time where I thought it was real. I guess I wanted it to be real. I guess everyone does. But I’m with you, it’s not, it doesn’t make any sense. I agree that people connect on levels all different levels all the time. Nothing more, or less that than.. It’s just love :) Everyone does it differently

    1. It’s just love. Love is still a pretty magical thing, right? I’m not knocking those that believe in soul mates but I think the term is limiting. I like to keep my love options open.

  9. I believe it can happen, you find that perfect connection with someone. How it happens is going to be different for everyone and for some it may never happen at all. Love is love – when you find it embrace it and hang on for dear life because if it escapes you may not get another chance.

    1. I agree with hanging onto it, if it’s healthy and fulfilling. I don’t agree with holding on to it no matter what out of fear that you may not find love again. I’d rather be alone than with somebody who isn’t healthy for me. I see what you are saying though. :smile:

  10. If I had to choose a side, I would say that I don’t believe in soul mates. I see the term soul mate and I want to puke. But since I live by my own rules, I’m going to say that I DON’T have to pick a yay or nay because I tend to believe in something in the middle.

    People say “soul mate” and automatically think of romance. What if your soul mate doesn’t happen to be someone that you have romantic love for? What if it’s someone that just understands you as no one else ever can or will? This could be said for a lot of people in our lives, for example, mothers, father, grandparents, ect. Therefore if I’m going to believe in soul mates, I believe that, one, it doesn’t have to be the person that you are destined to bump nasties with, and two, that you can have more than one soul mate. Personally I feel like Jewels is one of my soul mates because she is a dear friend and we just instantly clicked. I seriously can’t believe that we haven’t known each other for decades. Another soul mate is my bestie, who while he happens to be male, is a gay one. We’ve known each other since we were nine and sometimes he really does seem like an extension of myself. (That sounds a bit arrogant when I type it. Whatevs.) Another soul mate is my mother. I know a lot of people love their mothers but I don’t think that many are as close and mine and I are. I’ll get SUPER controversial here and say that my dog, Kira, is a soul mate and fuck anyone who says that dogs don’t have souls. I got into it with a former pastor and he can fuck himself too because I know love and I know loyalty and I know that God sent me Kira to help me through an abusive marriage.

    The long (really fucking long) and short of it is that the universe is made from a pretty large cloth. I think it’s a bit insane to think that only two souls are cut from a given section. It also sounds a little lonely.

    1. haha- of course that term would make you puke!

      I agree with you that soul mates come in many forms. You are most definitely a soul mate of mine. I still can’t believe we haven’t known each other since diapers…but we found each other and that’s all that matters.

      I love your last paragraph. The world is WAY too large for me to think that my soul mate is waiting in this small little corner just waiting for me. If I truly believed that among these MILLIONS of people there was only ONE for me…well I would lose all hope and give up. That’s just impossible.

      Glad we are on the same page. :grin: Knew I liked you for a reason.

  11. I think that there is one perfect person for everyone at any given time of their lives. So the person who was perfect for you at 17 may not be the one who is at 27 or 37.

    The key is to find the not so perfect person who is willing to spend their life trying to be the perfect person for ALL the decades of your life.

    Not so easy…

    1. There you go. That’s a healthy way to look at it. A right person for every stage in your life. No, it’s not easy at all but that doesn’t mean we give up.

  12. Hmm, I totally beleive that I was always meant to end up with my wonderful hubby. We compliment each other in so many ways and we discovered that our paths almost crossed many times before we eventually met at the right time for both of us.
    We are an almost perfect match. Perhaps some would say soul mates, maybe I would. I jut know that I am completely comfortable with the idea of “til death do us part”
    And that is all that really matters in the end

  13. I’m as jaded a cynic as you’re likely to find on the topic of love. The fact that I have met a man who is the second definition of a soul mate completely boggles my mind. Because before I met him, I’m not sure I would have even believed in that kind of soul mate.

  14. Ok, I’m going to chime in here and say that even though I’ve been married to the most wonderful man on Earth for 28 years, I do not believe in soul mates crap. Marriage takes work, even if you get along fine and truly love each other. Peace :grin:

    1. LOL. I love that you are in a great marriage and can still admit you don’t believe in soul mates. I just can’t buy into the whole ONLY ONE person for everyone theory.

  15. I believe we have opportunities to meet a soulmate in our lives but don’t believe we have only one opportunity. However I have found my soul mate on a dating site and for that reason can recommend http://www.attracion.com which is a dating site exclusively for people looking for the love of their lives or soulmate.javascript:grin(‘:razz:’)

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