Taken? They don’t care!


having an affair with married man 300 225x300 Taken? They dont care!

She won't go away easily!

While reading over at the always hilarious Working Dan’s blog I read a story his wife was sharing about being hit on, aggressively, by a man while out with her husband. When I posted tips for men about when to Throw in the Towel he commented “Yes, but how about when said man is approaching a woman who is clearly with somebody?” So, I decided to write a post about this specific breed of man/woman.

There is no denying the fact that for some men/woman seeing somebody who is already in a relationship is a turn on. Why is this? Simply, it usually implies several things:
1. They are good enough in bed to keep around.
2. They are desirable and valued by others, thereby giving them instant worth in other’s eyes.
3. They most likely aren’t too crazy, are (at the least) semi-reliable, and can communicate well enough to maintain a relationship.

Key among those points is the second one. Never underestimate the influence of being desired by others. Whether jealously, competitive spirit, wanting to possess what other’s have/want, or simply confirming in their mind that they are beautiful/handsome/sexy/desirable, being in a relationship can make you very appealing to the other sex.

There is another scenario that would make a man/woman approach somebody they can see has a significant other. This is simply, they want you. They find you attractive, interesting, and they aren’t going to let that ring, man/woman next to you, or anything else stop them from getting what they desire. Some people don’t factor in what the other person wants, only their needs factor in, and if they want you they believe they have a right to you or at the very least to attempt to pick you up.

There are a number of ways they are going to approach you and men and women differ greatly here. Women will be much more subversive in their approach. They will try to be exotic, erotic, and everything novel. They will try to exude sex, free of the worries of a mortgage, kids, car payments, or work. It’s going to be all flattery, flirting, and “My aren’t you strong/capable/handsome” and “I hope your wife/girlfriend appreciates how great you are…I know I would if you were my man.” They will do/say anything to get that guy thinking that she is worth the risk. She will stroke a man’s ego and try to be everything a stressed out wife cannot be. She’s a sneaky bitch!

Men, well, they are more straightforward in their approach. You will be guys who come up to dance with you and then the line of “I assumed that was your brother because there is no way a woman as gorgeous as you is with him.” Or they will wait until the guy leaves to approach you and inform you, “When you tire of him give me a call and I’ll show you how a real man makes love to a woman.” Hell, there are some who will come up, throw an arm around you and challenge your man to do anything about it. In general their approach will be “I’m better than your man” or a straight up “man” challenge to your guy. It will be aggressive and in your face.

Now, how do you deal with a man or woman who knows you are taken but wants you anyway? As much as you want to be nice with these people you almost have to get a little nasty. They already know they are crossing a line and they get a bit of a high off it so just smiling and saying “no thank” you won’t cut it.

For men it’s a bit easier. If you tell her you aren’t interested chances are she will back off and leave you alone. We don’t tend to be that difficult to get rid of if you don’t engage in flirting and “what if” type of conversations. If you open that door it will be hard to close it so if you aren’t interested leave that shit locked. Also, if your woman is around then you had better be sure to engage her, touch her, tell the other woman you are madly in love because she will most likely end up in a chick fight over you if you don’t assure her that you are 100% not interested in the tramp hitting on you.

For us ladies things can get tricky for a number of reasons. We are rarely as physically strong as the men hitting on us, our men tend to have short tempers and a conversation can turn to an altercation very quickly, and as discussed prior men have a hard time knowing when to call it quits and walk away. Your best option is to tell the guy very clearly that he stands no chance, assuring him that your man takes care of you better than he ever could, and then walking away or leaving the location. In the end walking away, leading your man away for some reassuring nookie, and laughing at the poor fool with your honey is the best option otherwise shit could get sketchy.

To wrap up I think we can all admit that people already in relationships have a certain appeal even if they shouldn’t. The trouble comes not from looking or wanting but in acting on that, especially around their significant others. How to deal turn away a man/woman interested in you isn’t always easy but this particular breed of aggressor is harder to dissuade. My advice is to be firm, be consistent in your refusal, remain calm, and walk away if need be. Whatever you do try and avoid a verbal or physical fight because that will usually just feed the ego of the aggressor. Good luck, friends.

pixel Taken? They dont care!

34 thoughts on “Taken? They don’t care!

  1. Excellent advice. In my particular case, the man was just a huge beast. I thought it best to not get into a fight with this guy.

    Besides, I trust my wife and the whole incident was more funny than annoying! I can still picture that big black guy smacking away on her ass. She just smiled at me. The smile said a lot…”You’re such an asshole!”

    1. I love how men usually stand back and appreciate that their woman is being admired while women go HELL CAT and tear a bitches eyes out for looking our man’s way. Well, not me specifically but the majority I’m betting. Another post? hmmm….

      Yeah…I’m sure she really appreciated you letting the BEAST slap her ass…real nice of you.

  2. Great post Jewels! And you are dead on, there are some people who seem to just seek out someone who is already with someone else. It’s almost like a game, to see if they can “win” the person’s attention or at least tempt them into admitting they are thinking about it. Sometimes that’s enough to give them the ego boost they want and they will leave it at, sometimes it just fuels them on to be even more aggressive and that’s where it goes from bad to sucky.

    1. There are a lot of reasons to seek out people already in relationships and none of them are healthy or moral. It’s best left alone. Some people just never learn though.

  3. Yup! These guys / gals need to be put in their place, and it’s going to take a dose of nasty. One other reason you didn’t factor in that these slim-os tend to not hear “NO”: Because you ARE taken, so you won’t necessarily be looking for a commitment from them! Suckers. They are so delusional. Great post Ms. Jewels! XXOO

  4. My Monica- :wink:

    been busy on the campaign trail..lol…

    everyday i thank god i am in a relationship, not dating, and am too old to be found in a club…

    people are fucking stupid!

    for example, i am sure i would have to kill more than a few would be suitors if i were somewhere with you and these assclownish types made some stupid advances…

    and we all know i am too man-pretty to go to jail, so then i would have to be on the lam forever…

    that would kinda ruin my presidential bid as well…

    i seriously don’t know how you do it…

    BTW…sorry ’bout the Flyers…kinda thought this was their year…ya know, with the WINGS being outta the running early (AGAIN) and cindy and the pengirls, having been crushed first round by your team…

    -your bill

    1. Oh Bill…I need some snuggle time. Is that scheduled anywhere along the campaign trail? Ugh.

      Yes, people are increasingly stupid and I’m consistently shocked that I am single whilst complete morons are out there getting hitched. THEN I realize that I have standards and expectations. Ugh…damn me and my morals (I never said my moral compass always points north BUT at least it’s there).

      You are much too pretty for jail so sadly we’ll have to avoid social situations so you don’t have to maim any would be suitors.

      Yes…lack of hockey makes me sad but now I get to watch my west coast Flyers (aka Kings) kick some ass. :)

  5. Hell depending on the day I will stab a bitch for looking out of the corner of her eye at my man.

    But more times than not my response is… HOney you think you got more nuts than me take him. I bet you send his dumb ass back!

    1. Women are much more protective, I’ve noticed, than the average man. It’s interesting really. I don’t want to steal another woman’s man. When I was younger and stupid I was purely interested in the high of swaying a man enough to make him want to cheat. *Never said this was a proud time in my life* Cheating is sexy and hot because neither party wants to deal with the pitfalls of an actual relationship with the other and rarely has to. It’s a viscous cycle.

  6. i love it when a man tries to say they can pleasure me better! i always say…”yeah like i havent heard that one before!” lol men are such asses!

  7. Sometimes I feel that this is some party game for bars/clubs/social settings that is only played by douche bags. I don’t want to be that kind of winner! Nice post and great advice for how to walk away!

    1. Thank you so much. It’s not always easy to know how to deal with this type of aggressor so I wanted to address it. So glad the feedback on the post has been positive.

  8. people like that totally suck :( why do they have to ruin someone else’s relationship, you know? just wait till it happens to them…

    1. Karma is a bitch. I know. I’ve never actively gone after somebody because he was in a relationship but I haven’t always turned away flirting from men that weren’t single. I know it’s not much better though. People like that totally blow.

  9. I think that some are just assholes who like the challenge of trying to take something away from another person. Your diffusion suggestions were brilliant. ;)

  10. Great advice Jewels. I hope I don’t need it, but I shall come back here if I do! Those sneaky ‘other-peoples-husbands’ loving chicks. I’m ready for you now.

  11. I think I am a little jaded in the relationship side of life, but my one thought was…if a guy is approaching us knowing we are in a relationship and not caring about that commitment, I bet he doesn’t take commitment seriously to begin with and that’s not a man I want to be with!

    1. yeah, the man doing this just wants the ego boost of knowing he can make you stray. Once proven (hence fucking you) he will move on to the next high. He’s not interested in you just the conquest. I’m with ya, sweetie.

  12. Well, that certainly explains the “when it rains it pours” theory about being involved with someone and all of a sudden folks come out of the woodwork all interested…like where were they when the damned DROUGHT was going on?! Now I understand. I don’t tolerate any of the nonsense from other dudes if I’m involved with someone – because I know I go bat shit crazy if some hussy tries to get up in my man’s beeswax!

    Great post!

    1. Yes, this is the “when it rains it pours” to a T! lmao. I’ve never gone bat shit crazy over my man’s “beeswax” but I totally understand. ;)

  13. Cheaters are taught that the best person to approach is someone who has something to lose. That would be someone in a relationship. That allows a cheater to not have to worry about the “cheatee” revealing their affair since they both have someone at home. Of course, it backfires when the “cheatee” leaves their mate for the cheater. LOL!

    1. You are definitely onto something. Also, the person just looking for a fling will often target those in relationships because they know it won’t get too serious and the demands on their time will be limited. Jerks

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