Jewels: um…so chicks are obsessed with how hilarious penis’ are (see penis copters lol) what makes boobs so fun? What would you do if you had boobs for a day? Trust me all women have thought about what they’d do with a dick for a day! lol
Jewels: Are there any new trends in dress, behavior, etc that you don’t understand OR really like that women are following?
Me: What would I do with boobs for a day? Lol I think that one is a winner lol
Jewels: It has to be more than 4 words “I’d play with them”… lol
Me: Oh it’ll be more than 4 words lol
Jewels: haha glad I could provide something a little more tangible than “whatever you want”
Me: I’ll even digress into what I would do with a vagina
Jewels: haha. love it. Women always think about what we’d do if we were a dude for a day. I’d love a guys take on it.
Yeah, THAT happened. Before this rather enlightening conversation I’d never thought about what it would be like to have breasts or even a vagina for that matter. Amazingly the idea had never occurred to me. Thanks to Jewels however, I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. Mindlessly I threw out the idea of doing a guest post for her, (which she instantly jumped on cause she knows my posts are amazeballs) but I had no idea what to write about. Ideas were being thrown around and then WHAM, titties.
That being said, the question isn’t what I would do if I have breasts for a day, but rather what WOULDN’T I do?! As a matter of fact if we’re going that far how about we just go with the total package; vagina and all. Given the fact men spend a ridiculous amount of time playing with their dicks as is, what the fuck do you think would happen if a guy suddenly woke up and had lady parts?
Me personally I LOVE boobs. I’ll even go so far as to say that I’m a breast man. I’ll take a nice set of boobs over a nicely shaped ass any day assuming that I have to choose between the two. I mean I don’t now anyone that doesn’t love breasts. Do you? Men love breasts, women love breast, even gay men love titties. Titties, TITTIES, TITTIES!!!
Anywho, I digress. I’ve run this scenario in my head countless times and the more I think about it the more I believe I’d either end up dead or in jail or some weird combination of both ending in prison rape.
I imagine myself waking up one morning vaguely aware that something is a bit off only to look down and see two giant mounds of flesh protruding from my chest area (I imagine that I’d have DD’s) and immediately go in to a panic. That panic would be quickly short lived as it gradually dawns on me that I’ve grown tits! I’d promptly start playing and molesting my newly acquired fun bags slowly turning myself on. At this point however is when I’ve make another shocking discovery seeing as my dick as run off and has now been replaced by a vagina. Cue more panic.
I’d say that would last about 5 minutes because my curiosity would end up overpowering my initial hysteria. Boobs and vagina? Let the games begin. I’m no stranger to pussy but having one would take on an entirely new scope and what’s the first thing I’d do? FINGER BLASTING! I always wonder how female orgasms differ in terms of feeling from male orgasms and what better time to find out? After that’s done I’d need to find a mirror so that I can examine this thing to see what I’m working with, followed by me sticking all types of shit in it just to see what it feels like. I’d have to keep track of what I’m putting in there though and make sure I get everything back out. I wouldn’t want to end up in the emergency room having to explain what the fuck happened. I’m guessing I would feel all dirty and probably sticky then so I’d need to take a shower. SHOWER! The thought of seeing my newly grown meat sacks would almost rocket me out of bed running, no wait, hopping (cause I wanna see them bounce) all the way to the bathroom. The bathroom would most likely be the scene of more tom-foolery ranging from me admiring them in the bathroom mirror to rocking my torso side to side-to-watch them swing to cupping them with my hands and jiggling around. I’d hop into the shower and lather myself up and make foam heavy swirlies around my boobs and nipples which would probably turn me on (hey, I’m still a guy here) which would result in more finger blasting.
I obviously wouldn’t be able to keep this secret to myself so after showering and getting dressed (sans bra of course) I’d hop into my car (I think I’ll be hopping everywhere from now on) and speed to my best friend Horaces’ house because I just can’t imagine not sharing this awesomeness with him. Did I mention I would be speeding all the way there? Not because I would be in a hurry, but I think I’d be purposely trying to find a cop to pull me over to test whether I can get out of a ticket if I show him my cleavage. You know what, scratch that idea. I have to remember that even though I have titties I still have the voice and face of a man and the officer would be more disturbed than anything else.
I’m pretty sure I’d be flashing everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE! Stopped at a red light? TITTIES IN YOUR FACE! Stopped at the gas station? FLASH Doing 70 in the highway? LOOK AT MY TITTIES! That sounds like fun right? I think so. The cops would probably get called for sure in that case and I’d be swiftly arrested for indecent exposure and thrown in jail. Wait, I don’t want that to happen. Me thrown in jail with a fresh set of tits and a vagina? Sound like rape to me. So maybe no flashing then.
I’m not sure how Horace would react though, but the knowing him the conversation would probably go something like this:
ME: Dude check this out! (Proceeds to flash my dirty pillows at him)
Horace: WHAT THE FUCK? WHY DO YOU HAVE TITS?!
ME: Dude, how the fuck should I know I woke up like this. I have a pussy too, look!
Horace: FUCK MAN, don’t show me that… Those are pretty awesome tits though.
ME: Aren’t they? They feel amazing! Touch ‘em. Come on, go to town dude..
Horace: What? No, I don’t think so this entire thing is just too weird. You’re still a dude.
ME: Yeah, but you can’t pass this up dude. I mean it’s no risk free boob grabbing!
Horace: Well I can’t say that I’m not curious, but you can’t tell ANYONE about this. (Tentatively touches my tits) Dude you’re right, this is pretty awesome, and they feel so nice and soft…
ME: Aren’t they?!
Shenanigans would thus ensue. Boasting and showing off my vajay-jay. This would get weird…-er. Actually, yeah I think I’ll stop there because things just got super fucked up in my head just now.
I would hope that after I went to sleep that night things would go back to normal because I would really miss my penis.
How would you imagine your day going if you switched genitals with the opposite sex? I can’t wait to read your answers!
James was too much and decided to forward me a link to a YouTube video that cracked me the hell up. Enjoy!
*Thanks to James aka @TheKrazye1 from Keen Reflections Accommodate Your Zen Enlightenment (aka KRAYZE) for providing me with a guest post and a bit of a break. I had no idea when I threw out ideas for his guest post that I was going to get something so insane. I’m not going to lie I crack the hell up at the term “finger blasting” and I cringed at stuff being randomly shoved in how poor newly acquired hoo but I still loved this post. Thanks again! Be sure to show him some love, check out his blog, and follow him on Twitter.