Waking Up With Lady Parts

Jewels: um…so chicks are obsessed with how hilarious penis’ are (see penis copters lol) what makes boobs so fun? What would you do if you had boobs for a day? Trust me all women have thought about what they’d do with a dick for a day! lol
Jewels: Are there any new trends in dress, behavior, etc that you don’t understand OR really like that women are following?
Me: What would I do with boobs for a day? Lol I think that one is a winner lol
Jewels: It has to be more than 4 words “I’d play with them”… lol
Me: Oh it’ll be more than 4 words lol
Jewels: haha glad I could provide something a little more tangible than “whatever you want”
Me: I’ll even digress into what I would do with a vagina
Jewels: haha. love it. Women always think about what we’d do if we were a dude for a day. I’d love a guys take on it.


Yeah, THAT happened. Before this rather enlightening conversation I’d never thought about what it would be like to have breasts or even a vagina for that matter. Amazingly the idea had never occurred to me. Thanks to Jewels however, I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. Mindlessly I threw out the idea of doing a guest post for her, (which she instantly jumped on cause she knows my posts are amazeballs) but I had no idea what to write about. Ideas were being thrown around and then WHAM, titties.

That being said, the question isn’t what I would do if I have breasts for a day, but rather what WOULDN’T I do?! As a matter of fact if we’re going that far how about we just go with the total package; vagina and all. Given the fact men spend a ridiculous amount of time playing with their dicks as is, what the fuck do you think would happen if a guy suddenly woke up and had lady parts?


Me personally I LOVE boobs. I’ll even go so far as to say that I’m a breast man. I’ll take a nice set of boobs over a nicely shaped ass any day assuming that I have to choose between the two. I mean I don’t now anyone that doesn’t love breasts. Do you? Men love breasts, women love breast, even gay men love titties. Titties, TITTIES, TITTIES!!!

Anywho, I digress. I’ve run this scenario in my head countless times and the more I think about it the more I believe I’d either end up dead or in jail or some weird combination of both ending in prison rape.
I imagine myself waking up one morning vaguely aware that something is a bit off only to look down and see two giant mounds of flesh protruding from my chest area (I imagine that I’d have DD’s) and immediately go in to a panic. That panic would be quickly short lived as it gradually dawns on me that I’ve grown tits! I’d promptly start playing and molesting my newly acquired fun bags slowly turning myself on. At this point however is when I’ve make another shocking discovery seeing as my dick as run off and has now been replaced by a vagina. Cue more panic.

I’d say that would last about 5 minutes because my curiosity would end up overpowering my initial hysteria. Boobs and vagina? Let the games begin. I’m no stranger to pussy but having one would take on an entirely new scope and what’s the first thing I’d do? FINGER BLASTING! I always wonder how female orgasms differ in terms of feeling from male orgasms and what better time to find out? After that’s done I’d need to find a mirror so that I can examine this thing to see what I’m working with, followed by me sticking all types of shit in it just to see what it feels like. I’d have to keep track of what I’m putting in there though and make sure I get everything back out. I wouldn’t want to end up in the emergency room having to explain what the fuck happened. I’m guessing I would feel all dirty and probably sticky then so I’d need to take a shower. SHOWER! The thought of seeing my newly grown meat sacks would almost rocket me out of bed running, no wait, hopping (cause I wanna see them bounce) all the way to the bathroom. The bathroom would most likely be the scene of more tom-foolery ranging from me admiring them in the bathroom mirror to rocking my torso side to side-to-watch them swing to cupping them with my hands and jiggling around. I’d hop into the shower and lather myself up and make foam heavy swirlies around my boobs and nipples which would probably turn me on (hey, I’m still a guy here) which would result in more finger blasting.

I obviously wouldn’t be able to keep this secret to myself so after showering and getting dressed (sans bra of course) I’d hop into my car (I think I’ll be hopping everywhere from now on) and speed to my best friend Horaces’ house because I just can’t imagine not sharing this awesomeness with him. Did I mention I would be speeding all the way there? Not because I would be in a hurry, but I think I’d be purposely trying to find a cop to pull me over to test whether I can get out of a ticket if I show him my cleavage. You know what, scratch that idea. I have to remember that even though I have titties I still have the voice and face of a man and the officer would be more disturbed than anything else.

I’m pretty sure I’d be flashing everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE! Stopped at a red light? TITTIES IN YOUR FACE! Stopped at the gas station? FLASH Doing 70 in the highway? LOOK AT MY TITTIES! That sounds like fun right? I think so. The cops would probably get called for sure in that case and I’d be swiftly arrested for indecent exposure and thrown in jail. Wait, I don’t want that to happen. Me thrown in jail with a fresh set of tits and a vagina? Sound like rape to me. So maybe no flashing then.

I’m not sure how Horace would react though, but the knowing him the conversation would probably go something like this:
ME: Dude check this out! (Proceeds to flash my dirty pillows at him)
ME: Dude, how the fuck should I know I woke up like this. I have a pussy too, look!
Horace: FUCK MAN, don’t show me that… Those are pretty awesome tits though.
ME: Aren’t they? They feel amazing! Touch ‘em. Come on, go to town dude..
Horace: What? No, I don’t think so this entire thing is just too weird. You’re still a dude.
ME: Yeah, but you can’t pass this up dude. I mean it’s no risk free boob grabbing!
Horace: Well I can’t say that I’m not curious, but you can’t tell ANYONE about this. (Tentatively touches my tits) Dude you’re right, this is pretty awesome, and they feel so nice and soft…
ME: Aren’t they?!
Shenanigans would thus ensue. Boasting and showing off my vajay-jay. This would get weird…-er. Actually, yeah I think I’ll stop there because things just got super fucked up in my head just now.

I would hope that after I went to sleep that night things would go back to normal because I would really miss my penis.

How would you imagine your day going if you switched genitals with the opposite sex? I can’t wait to read your answers!


James was too much and decided to forward me a link to a YouTube video that cracked me the hell up. Enjoy!

*James ‏ @TheKrayze1

@According2Jewls TOLD YOU!!! Lol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFpJeTkhlMI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

*Thanks to James aka @TheKrazye1 from Keen Reflections Accommodate Your Zen Enlightenment (aka KRAYZE) for providing me with a guest post and a bit of a break. I had no idea when I threw out ideas for his guest post that I was going to get something so insane. I’m not going to lie I crack the hell up at the term “finger blasting” and I cringed at stuff being randomly shoved in how poor newly acquired hoo but I still loved this post. Thanks again! Be sure to show him some love, check out his blog, and follow him on Twitter.

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25 thoughts on “Waking Up With Lady Parts

  1. Okay I have the following comments and retorts….
    1. You would need to enjoy getting felt up by Horace and your own groping as you would be such an unattractive woman no other man would want to touch you.
    2. With DD you wouldn’t hop long as that would start to be very painful
    3. I would want you to get your period halfway through the day so you got to experience the shear hell of what happens when Aunt Flo shows up unannounced
    4. You and Horace will have to live with the knowledge of your man love moment
    5. Don’t worry about jail rape even lesbian have standards
    6. The impending staph infection you would get from all those things in your vajay jay might result in an ER visit anyway, so careful with that.
    7. random groping of ones own titties does not always result in actual arousal, so it might not work out the way you think.

    Have fun with you little dream day though, it was nice to know that our thoughts of the way men MIGHT act are totally TRUE! Men are so easy to read!

    1. Well to address your comments in order..
      1. I never said I would be an attractive woman. I’d still be a dude just with lady parts..And mans brains don’t comprehend that far he’s see boobs and be compelled to grab.
      2. That’s what all the women that have read it have said to me..
      3. This would just be one day and I pray to sweet baby Jesus is not period time.
      4….Can’t argue with that..but we’re good with keeping each others secrets..
      5.Since I’m pretty much still a guy I would think I would end up in man jail and even if I didn’t it’s prison. Have you ever been to prison? Someone will want to bang me..
      6. Noted
      7. It doesn’t always but mentally I’m still a guy so I’m pretty sure it would.

      You never said what you would do if you had a dick though? Or are you too afraid to let loose?

  2. Question: Would you still have your Adam’s Apple? Because if so, I wouldn’t be able to look at you straight.

    But yeah, every guy who has given a woman an O wonders if theirs is more intense. I threw that qualifier in, because not all men have done that…

  3. for some reason this whole idea of you having girlie parts frightens me it would be like giving an inappropiate toy to a child unsupervised you would eithr break something or poke your eye out it would not end well.

  4. I am HOPING a lot of this is written in jest. None-the-less, I couldn’t help laughing my butt off as I read it.

    Just a few thoughts:
    I know how much you love “titties”, but if you had DDs you might not like them for long (back aches get old FAST!)

    I have often wondered what an orgasm feels like for a man, so if I were to wake up with a penis, after freaking the HECK out, I would totally jerk off to have that experience. Then, I would freak out again and make my way to a doctor IMMEDIATELY. Oh wait… I might ask a woman to perform oral on me so I could learn a few tricks from the other side. Just being honest!

    And please, never stick just any ol’ thing in a vagina. That’s just unhealthy! LoL

    1. Somewhat in jest….maybe… It seems that the vast majority or women have advised me hat having DD breasts aren’t as fun as I think they would be.

      Why would you go to the doctor? So that they can cut off your newly grown penis? Lol Trust me, once you start jerking it it’s going to be hard to stop, and there is no might you ARE going to want a woman to suck you off..
      And I’d stick things in there just to see what it feels like on the receiving end, just not a penis cause I think I’d cry.

      Thanks for taking time to comment. Hope all is well.

      1. Of course I’m going to the doctor if I wake up with a penis! LoL I like men too much to be one, if you know what I mean. I want to keep my girly parts, thank you very much.

  5. Somewhat in jest….maybe… It seems that the vast majority or women have advised me hat having DD breasts aren’t as fun as I think they would be.
    Why would you go to the doctor? So that they can cut off your newly grown penis? Lol Trust me, once you start jerking it it’s going to be hard to stop, and there is no might you ARE going to want a woman to suck you off..

    And I’d stick things in there just to see what it feels like on the receiving end, just not a penis cause I think I’d cry.

    Thanks for taking time to comment. Hope all is well.

  6. I still find everything about this post hilarious…despite my poor vagina cringing at the thought of random objects invading it’s personal space.

    I honestly think about what it would be like to have a penis more than I probably should. I’d like to take a solid kick to the goods to have a base to gauge your pain threshold since I’m pretty sure it doesn’t compare to ours.

    I would DEFINITELY be jerking, soaping, having fun in the shower, and having sex (oral and otherwise) cause I’m fascinated with how it would feel from your side of things. I’d have to go for a job with shit hanging between my legs. I can’t imagine sitting with nuts just chillin on the chair with me!

    Dude…everything about it…I want to feel it all…in one day and then go back to my lovely lady parts. I don’t know what I’d do without my boobs to cup on a daily basis and marvel at! For one day though…yeah for one day I’d be down with having some meat swinging.

    Thanks so much for doing this guest post for me! :)

    1. Trust me when I say that if you had man parts you do NOT want to get kicked in the nut sack, that’s like stepping in to a boxing ring for the first time and asking Mike Tyson to go all out on you. Small steps, and about you take you finger and give one of your balls a good flick, you’ll be rethinking that kick real fast lol.

      You’re quite welcome, I had a ton of fun writing this. I’d love to do it again I’m the future..

  7. I have never wonder what it would be like to have a penis nope never crossed my mind not even for a second but hell if men had to deal with period pain and child birth they would have more respect for us women……….well maybe depends on the man so still wouldn’t get what we are complaining about……

  8. I followed a tweet to this page. I have never read this blog before. Of all the times to look in on it, this is the first post I read. And…I love it!!! Hilarious!!! I can totally see any guy who wakes up with boobs and a hoo hoo going through all this. And thank you for introducing the term “finger blasting” into my vocabulary. I’m SOOO using that.

    Personally, I have often wondered what it would be like to have a hot dog. I pray for one 1 week out of every month. I think I would have to spank it and have it sucked and stuck into things just to experience all the different feelings and sensations. Once I ran out of ideas, I would leave the house and me and my newly acquired man meat would probably end up like you. In jail. cause I would SO get into trouble with it. I would walk around scratching myself, wiping sweat and all those other things guys get to do that us girls are looked down on for doing. (*I have to say that cause I really don’t care who’s watching, I scratch my v-jay if I gotta.)

    1. Lol. Don’t be ashamed to say you scratch your vag lol. I’m glad you found your way here and I’m glad you like the post. Come back often and be sure to visit my regular blog and follow us on twitter, we’re wild on a regular basis lol

  9. “Prison rape?” “Titties?” “Finger blasting?” “Meat sacks?” Wow.

    I have no desire to wake up with any other parts. What if I got pregnant and then changed back to a man? I’d have to get a C-section.

    1. I have no desire to wake up with any other parts either but this is what would probably happen if I did. I probably would have to get a C-section as well since I have no idea where the baby would come out from and I don’t even want to imagine.

  10. How in the world did I miss the tweets that inspired this inspired post?

    Peens give me enough hassles without having one of them attached to my body thankyouverymuch. ;-P

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